What If Bread Had Intelligence?

Hey,

I`m sure that the above mentioned title is a question that everyone thinks about daily. At least, I do.

While zoning out and sitting at my dinner table, my brother was watching tv in the room next to mine. A commercial came on for Dempsters Smart Bread, a supposedly all whole-grain wheat bread that has the same taste as white bread. Obviously, this is marketed towards children, who would rather discuss the foreign trade policies of Ghana than eat bread loaded with seeds, nuts, and wheat (well, all the children I`ve ever met).

The commercial was a jolly good show, using a flying piece of bread with a cape as the main character, delivering Smart Bread to some hungry kids, as well as boasting about the nutrients contained within.

This got me thinking.

Since wheat and other food ingredients are of course inanimate and non-living, it`s not as if they could just get up, walk around, and go to the gym. But wouldn`t it be great to have food with intelligence?

To present this in an Easy-To-Read,-Funtastic! format, I`ve made a little list of pros and cons of intelligent food (hereafter known as "he" for all intents and purposes).

PROS :
1. Feeling the chub? He can tell you how many calories, fibre, and nutrients are inside, without bringing along the empty bread bag to a picnic to check the nutritional facts.
2. Loneliness is a thing of the past; talking bread is in! Now you don`t have to own 27 cats who won`t even talk to you about your day at work.
3. Since he is, in fact, a food, he can tell you all the awesome recipes and tricks to make delicious foodstuffs.

CONS :
1. I don`t want my afternoon meal to give me sass when I just want to dig in and shut up.
2. I know that if I were a bread, I would definitely NOT tell my "eater" that I`m full of delicious goodness (I`d like to stay alive, thank you very much).
3. Anyone who would spend money on creating intelligent food rather than, say, finding a cure for cancer, is insanely messed up in the noggin.

Phew. Well, maybe intelligent bread isn`t such a good idea. For now.
*Loud, jubilant cackle of foreshadowing*

Yeah, well, this is going nowhere. Talking bread? What was I thinking even writing a blog about this? Eh, hopefully you got something out of it (maybe an appreciation of your ever-silent sandwich).

Hugs and Hershey Kisses,

The Candy Heiress